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  • sister.science

who was i before life happened to me


who was i 

before life happened to me .

let 

my soul be stirred

my voice be heard 

because i 

have something to say. ——- and im terrified 

because you may not hear me.

perhaps you’ll listen 

but forget that im human

and flawed

by default. ——- i’ve been twisted and torn

and the lens i experience through is

sometimes fogged by my past.

and when i want you to listen,

what im actually begging of you

is to love me. ——- please don’t reinstate, and thus reinforce

the parts of me

that have been broken ——- because it hurts

and i feel too deeply.

i remember too much.

and the wounds have left scars 

that yearn for the healing salve

of your approval. ——- and then ill unravel

into the soliloquy of your love. ——— but not until it’s perfect. ——— why oh why do i crave perfection 

for even the most beautiful flower is withered

and wilted 

by time ——— the muse guides me towards an internal stability.

a perfection that is not touched by that which devours all form. ——— what i yearn for 

is an affirmation 

of my innate perfection. ——— the perfection of my beingness 

before it was deluded 

by that time i found her wallet in your room

and her name on your lips. ——— i yearn for you to see the perfection of my beingness.

and still love me

when my story takes precedence over me.

when i forget,

can you please remind me

that who i am is perfect 

simply because i exist. ——— and that im not defined

by the stories that bind me

to a two dimensional expression of the past ——— dear lord, refine me

come find me 

ive been lost to myself for too long

i look to you

to remind me