who was i before life happened to me
who was i
before life happened to me .
my soul be stirred
my voice be heard
have something to say. ——- and im terrified
because you may not hear me.
perhaps you’ll listen
but forget that im human
by default. ——- i’ve been twisted and torn
and the lens i experience through is
sometimes fogged by my past.
and when i want you to listen,
what im actually begging of you
is to love me. ——- please don’t reinstate, and thus reinforce
the parts of me
that have been broken ——- because it hurts
and i feel too deeply.
i remember too much.
and the wounds have left scars
that yearn for the healing salve
of your approval. ——- and then ill unravel
into the soliloquy of your love. ——— but not until it’s perfect. ——— why oh why do i crave perfection
for even the most beautiful flower is withered
by time ——— the muse guides me towards an internal stability.
a perfection that is not touched by that which devours all form. ——— what i yearn for
is an affirmation
of my innate perfection. ——— the perfection of my beingness
before it was deluded
by that time i found her wallet in your room
and her name on your lips. ——— i yearn for you to see the perfection of my beingness.
and still love me
when my story takes precedence over me.
when i forget,
can you please remind me
that who i am is perfect
simply because i exist. ——— and that im not defined
by the stories that bind me
to a two dimensional expression of the past ——— dear lord, refine me
come find me
ive been lost to myself for too long
i look to you
to remind me